Have you ever been in a place where you said enough is enough? I recently found myself in there. Tired of constantly warring in my mind, tired of trying to do things on my own, tired of trying to be okay without really asking for help. Naturally, I had a breakdown.
I was bound, shackled to a mindset and thought life that was not good for me, nor was it good for those around me and certainly was not good for my relationship with the Lord. In the middle of me crying, jumping, screaming, shaking my fists and slapping my thighs, I cried out and said "Jesus Help Me! Holy Spirit Help Me! God Help Me!" I had reached my end. I was tired of driving myself crazy with the battles in my mind. I wanted to be free.
I still want to be free.
All throughout the bible we see how God wants His people to be free. Free from slavery, free from bondage, free from pain, free from worry, free from hardship, etc. God wants His people to be free. At the end of my breakdown, God reminded me that He wants me to be free. In fact, He wants me to be free more than I want to be free. Our minds cannot conceive or think on the same level as the Lord's, so if I want and desire to be free then He must want that for me ten times over!
I was reading Ruth 1 the other day and I saw how Naomi was bound. She had lost her husband and her two sons and she felt she no longer had a place in the town she went to live in (Moab) and she felt she had to go back to her home (Bethlehem). It was as if she wanted to leave everything that reminded her of her pain behind.
It may not sound like a story of being bound but looking closer, Naomi felt she could no longer live in the place she once called home when her husband and sons were alive. She felt no freedom. She thought it was best to leave. Similarly to Naomi, I felt bound the day I had my breakdown and felt I had to leave. Not only did I want to leave my immediate space I also wanted my mental space and all that came with it.
I wanted to be completely free from the things that would keep my mind in the same place, I think Naomi could relate. While this story is often read to highlight Ruth, I wanted to take a different approach and highlight Naomi. What a struggle it is to remain in a place that reminds you of your chains.
I know the Lord has freedom for me, while I can choose to leave my physical space to gain freedom, I can also choose to abandon the mental spaces that cause me to look more at my chains than to look at God. Naomi left and went to a place where she knew she would find God. I choose to do the same thing.
When my insecurities begin to consume my thoughts and begin to influence my emotions, I will choose to find God. Instead of letting those thoughts and feelings sit and build, I will invite the Holy Spirit to comfort me and to remind of the Lord's truth.
Freedom comes from the Lord, not from me trying on my own. Freedom comes from the Lord, not from acting like I have it all together. Freedom comes from the Lord, not from me trying to control everything.
Freedom comes from the Lord, not from me.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Father I thank you for your goodness and mercy. I thank you for offering me freedom from the things that have me bound. I am also thankful for the ways you extend your gentle hand toward me. I pray that as I acknowledge my chains, I would surrender the responsibility to cut them off, to you. I ask that as you lead me to freedom you would help me through every emotion that comes with leaving something familiar and starting something new. I ask that you would strengthen me and forgive me for the ways I have previously dealt with being bound. I pray that you would allow those who have been hurt along the way to forgive me. Would you help us to trust again? Most importantly would you help me to trust You again?
I pray all of these things in Jesus' name, Amen