According to my church family, my friends and relatives I can find my worth in the bible and my self worth is defined by the Lord. While this is so true, I would not be truthful with myself if I were to say I am aware of my worth and value at all times.
My belief in God comes with a layout of what I am worth. Each time I read my bible and study scripture, I am reminded of my worth. I am the head and not the tail, I am above and not beneath, I am the lender not the borrower (Deuteronomy 28:13). But what does that mean in my heart? What does that truly mean to me when all is said and done?
I have learned that I have a lot of head knowledge but not a lot of heart knowledge. When I say that I mean, there are a lot of things I have come to know by repetition or by hearing, but I need to know them in my heart. Knowing them in my heart is much more important. When I know things in my heart, there is no way I can waiver.
For instance, I grew up in church, my dad was a minster and my mother was an associate pastor at our church. I have always had access to bibles and to hearing the word of God, but it was not until I had a heart knowledge of who Jesus Christ was, that I decided I wanted to dedicate my life to him, I could feel the difference. The difference of knowing in my mind because I have been in a place to acquire knowledge and the difference of knowing in my heart.
Evidence of heart knowlwdge is a change in behaior. If I know something deep in my heart then my behavior changes. I cannot think about the life of Jesus and choose not to show my belief through my behavior. My heart has been changed and the knowledge acquired is too strong for me to ignore.
Now the same thing must happen with me knowing my worth and the value my life has. I have to continue to study scripture and go to the Lord in prayer because that is where the heart change happens. It does not happen in my room by myself, it does not happen by overthinking, it does not happen by my own ability. Heart changes happen when I allow the creator of the heavens and the earth step in and do what only He can.
My desire is to grow in heart knowledge of what the Lord says about me. To not only be aware of the words He speaks in my mind but to fully believe them in my heart. To gain heart knowledge of the value and the worth the Lord has given me.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Lord you are so good! I praise you for your mighty hand. I praise you because you are worthy, you are matchless and you are powerful. I thank you Lord for leaving your word for me. For meeting me in my study time and speaking through your scriptures. Lord I ask that you would help me open my heart to you in a new way. I pray that you would strengthen me and help me to surrender my insecurities to you. Would you help me to renew my mind daily of your word and what you say about me? Lord I want to have unwavering faith and belief in what you say about me, would you help me?
I pray and ask all of these things in Jesus' name,