i cannot seem to balance

i find myself swaying right to left

left to right, center does not seem to exist.

i am floating. in and out of focus.

how did i get here?

it was a choice, made before my arrival.

for my good.

despite tears doubt fear and shallow trust,

i believe, i believe it's for my good.

so i pray for joy, ask for peace, desire wisdom

and perseverance,

while fighting the urge to sleep,

to close my eyes and take each blow.

sleep,

to allow what's coming to come without being present.

sleep,

to take up space without intention, without purpose.

sleep,

to coast through life without a smile, without emotion.

Lord i ask you to help me be awake

and not sleep.