In the Dark

When it is dark outside I do not like to drive. I become anxious and drive too close to the steering wheel.

One time in particular, I was driving around 5 am and it was dark. No hint of sun in sight. I was anxious. I was two hours from home, and I was sitting close to the wheel focused. In an attempt to help me stay calm, I looked at the lines on the road as I was driving.

I did this so I could know when the road would begin to turn into a curve. When other cars were around me I would look away from the lines a little more because the lights from their cars helped illuminate the road. Occasionally there were street lights that also helped me.

As the road continued and the sun continued sleeping, I remember hearing the Lord ask me a question. He asked, "why do you need to see everything", in the moment I thought, "I need to see it all so I can remain in my lane and safe, of course". As that question played over and over in my head I came to a different answer. I needed to see everything so as not to be taken by surprise, so I could remain in control.

This answer helped me to understand a little about myself. I don't like surprises nor to be taken by surprise. I like to have a plan and to be aware of what may or may not happen.

After my more revised answer I felt the Lord offer me something else, He said, "don't worry about what you can't see; focus on what you can see", while this seems opposite of faith, "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1) or the opposite of "for we walk by faith and not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7), what I felt the Lord was said was, "You can see me. You are sure of me, and since you are sure of me, you can trust that I will allow you to get to where you need to be safely."

In a more broad sense, keeping my focus on the Lord, when I am uncertain of other things, will keep me in freedom and out of fear and anxiety. I become anxious when I am in the dark and I stop looking at Jesus and try to focus on all things, the curvature of the road, when does the curve start? I felt the Lord calling me to trust Him not just when the sun is up and I can see everything clearly but also when its dark and the only thing I can see is Him.

I am left with a few questions, is it possible that I need the dark times to come so that I can remember the light? Is it possible that in the dark, if I focus on the Lord, I will be okay? Will I be able to make it to the sunlight and to my destination if I only focus on what I can see? Is it possible that I get anxious when I loose focus on Jesus and I hyper-focus on everything else?

I will leave us with a prayer,

Father I thank you for your son Jesus Christ. I thank you for the blood He shed for me over 2,000 years ago. I thank you that you are the light of the world. I thank you that you meet me in the dark places and that the dark cannot put out your light. Father, I ask now for your peace and for safety in you. In the times when things seem dark, I ask that I would be overwhelmed by your peace and by your light. I thank you for keeping me in you. I ask for a deeper trust in you when things seem uncertain and unclear. That my focus would remain on you and not on the things around me. I pray that I would make you bigger than all other things and allow your light to be my guide in all things.

I pray and ask these thing in Jesus' name, amen.