Today I have realized that my insecurities are a product of my unbelief in who God says I am.
Today I am wrestling with insecurities that I have not really wrestled with since the start of the pandemic and the shut down.
Today I am realizing that just because I do not stare directly at the sun does not take away the knowledge that it is yellow. In the same way, just because I have not stared my insecurities in the face during the pandemic, does not take away the knowledge that I am still insecure in some ways.
The truth I find hard to believe that God has spoken over me is found in Psalm 139. Lets look at it, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14
If you are like me, then you have heard this scripture quoted and read many times in life. While I can quote it myself and know it is found in the book of Psalm, it is not found in my heart. Today I have been trying to remind myself of this and to accept it as truth. When I began to feel insecure, a lot of questions came to my mind; instead of pondering them too long and even asking them, I decided to speak to the fear in me and to think thoughts that could help me negate the lies. I thought; you are okay, you are not being harmed, no one is leaving you, you are safe and you are just as you should be, no one is looking past you, you are enough.
While these thoughts can be helpful I came to the conclusion that I want the truth of God's words to be what really speaks to my heart, and that means I must seek the root of my insecurity. Part of it is fear of rejection, part of it is fear of abandonment but the greater part is unbelief. I want to believe all God has spoken about me.
I guess, I have to talk to God. I have to sit with him and speak like the father in Mark spoke, "I do believe, help me in my unbelief." - Mark 9:24
I encourage you, if you are wrestling with insecurities to see what you do not believe and to invite the Lord to be there with you and help heal you in those places.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Father I thank you for you. I thank you for your son Jesus Christ and for your Holy Spirit. I ask that your Holy Spirit that lives within me would fill me and cover all the lies that I have placed higher than your truth. I ask now that you would help me in my unbelief when it comes to me being fearfully and wonderfully made. I ask that you would increase my understanding of those words that they may permeate my heart and live within me. I ask that all areas of insecurity and unbelief would submit to your truth and to your love. I thank you that you desire for me to believe in all of your words Father that I may be made whole and complete in you, in your son Jesus' name, amen.