I struggle with being needed. More specifically, I struggle with measuring my worth and my usefulness by how much I am needed or not needed.

I am sure this is not a struggle only I have. To my fellow readers who can identify with the above statement; Hi, you are not alone. I see you and there is freedom.

I wrote this statement the other day: I am useful even when I am not needed.

This is true and also hard to feel at times. As I was writing, I wanted to make sure I did not use that statement as a means to invite myself into people's lives or to encourage intrusion, bull-heading, or placing myself in situations just for the sake of it. This is not a means for puffing self up.

This is also not a chant to embolden myself nor to esteem myself. It is a truth I just became aware of. This is a thought I want to be my mindset. This is a truth I want to learn. This is a truth I want to be able to accept. Not only do I want to learn this truth, I also want to have it in my heart. If it is in my heart then I can experience more freedom and speak to the lies when I hear them in the moments I am not needed but feel like my worth is being chipped away at.

This struggle is not just in relations to friends and family, I have seen it in my relationship with the Lord. I am guilty of asking the Lord to use me in vain and not from a place of genuine submission. Yes, this is my confession. Sometimes I ask to be used so I can be seen, so I can be heard, so I can feel good or so I can remind myself of my worth. The fact of the matter is, Jesus does not need my help!

Jesus, came to earth to save man. Healed people. Rose from the dead three days after dying. Brought Lazarus back to life. Walked on water. Saved people and yet I think He needs my help. I want to laugh as I write this, because it's silly when I hear it out loud, but it is very truthful. Jesus does not need my help. While this is the truth, another reality is, He chose me (John 15:16) and delights in me. Although I am not needed, Jesus still takes joy in using me and having me with Him.

If I am not needed by Jesus yet He has chosen me why is that not enough? Maybe because everything around me says I should work to know my worth and if I am not working then...? If I can learn to rest in the truth that my worth is not determined by my need from Jesus, then I believe I can rest in the truth that my worth is not determined by my need from others.

In my friendships, marriage and family, it can be and is challenging for me when I am not needed, maybe because I am a helper and I love serving others. But I think the Lord wants me to find freedom in knowing that He is not placing that burden on me. Neither are my friends or those around me.

I find these scriptures can be helpful when wanting to stay reminded of the truth that before I am needed I am already chosen:

  • Romans 8:29-30
  • Ephesians 1:4-5
  • 1Peter 2:9
  • Ephesians 2:19
  • 2Thessalonians 2:13

I will leave us with a prayer,

Father I thank you for being the truth to the lies that sometimes speak louder than your word. I thank you that the truth will set us free and that you are the truth. I pray and ask that I would no longer ascribe my worth to the amount I feel needed. I pray that your Holy Spirit would continue to work in me and free me from the weight of what has been holding me to the idea that my worth is found in being needed. I thank you that I am still useful even when I am not needed. I ask that you would forgive me for the times I have asked to be used but really wanted to be seen or heard. Would you cleanse me from vanity and selfish desires and replace them with genuine desire for you, your will and your people. I thank you for opening my eyes and for the work you have started in me.

I pray and ask these things in Jesus' name, amen.