I have been having a hard time writing. While this is not the first time I have had "writers block", this is the first time I have experienced it to this extent. Why, I have no idea. I decided it was time to go back to the basics, back to when I first began to write.
My writing then (middle school-high school)
- I wrote to free my mind
- I wrote poems because they were interesting
- I wrote because I did not like to talk
- I wrote when I was upset and didn't want to be anymore
- I wrote to express my feelings (point three)
- I wrote because I had questions
- I wrote because I failed at meeting the expectations of others
- I wrote because I needed to talk
- I wrote because I liked to read
- I wrote because I didn't know what else to do
My writing now (college-present)
- I wrote because I liked to
- I wrote because I did not like to talk
- I wrote because I was expected to
- I wrote because I was told I am a good writer
- I wrote because I was expected to (this is not a mistake)
- I wrote because I felt that was my identity: a writer
- I wrote because I wanted to be a writer
- I wrote because poetry became more fun
- I wrote because I was encouraged to
- I wrote because I was told it is my gift
- I wrote because someone told me they believe in me
- I wrote because I was told I am a writer
I have been trying to produce content I never thought I might. I have been trying to maintain a previous writing style while trying out a new one. Writing poetry is very different from writing blogs and devotionals. Sure it can be argued that "writing is writing", but to the writer it is not that simple. There are different styles of writing and they all require something different. I was predominantly a poet, so naturally it has been hard to branch out to blog and devotional style writings. Yet, I wanted to take a shot and as mentioned, I have had many people rooting me on and saying they believed in me, how could I deny trying?
What I have come to realize is that I need to reevaluate my level of interest and willingness to write in styles different than what I spent four years trying to master the basics of (poetry). During my struggle with producing content, I realized that became my only goal; to produce content because whoever was reading, would be expecting to see something new. That was my only motivation, which has proven itself not to be enough.
I felt the Lord spoke to me as I was sitting at my desk, and I heard "volver a lo básico" meaning, "back to the basics". I am going back to what I once knew when it comes to writing. I am going back to writing because it is fun, because I want to express what I have learned; because I want to enjoy the gift of writing. I also want to toil with word choice and diction as opposed to making a post or not.
Going back to the basics does not just apply to a craft or a trade, it also applies to my relationship with Christ. When life seems too complicated or too tiresome, the way to rest and to freedom is to go back to the Father. Reminding myself that I am where I am today because Christ brought me here. I need only to call His name and to remember where and how I have seen Him in my life. The bible encourages us to go back to the love we once knew (Revelation 2:4-6).
In this scripture, John is addressing the church of Ephesus, here in verse two, he begins with speaking to what they have been doing, exhorting their work (Revelation 2:2-3), but in verse four he gets to a much greater point. He says, "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first"- Revelation 2:4 NRSV. What I received from this is I can do many works and good things in the name of the Lord, but if I have lost my love or forgotten my love for Christ and His ministry then I have not really accomplished anything. The bible mentions time and again how we are to love and have love for those around us.
I am remembering my first love, in Christ because that will allow me to remember the love I had in the things I set my hands to.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Abba, I thank you for your love for me. I thank you that you desire love for me. I thank you that your scripture encourages me to go back to the love I once knew. I thank you that your word addresses a place I find myself, doing one work after the next, toiling this day and that but all while forgetting the love I had for you at first. I thank you for reminding me to come back to the basics, to meet you at the start. I thank you for the refilling that comes when I go back to you. I pray that your love would be enough while I sit and wait for what you have for me next.