I have been having a hard time at work. I no longer enjoy the workplace I once enjoyed. One day during a lunch break, I decided to seek the Lord's face about my feelings. I remember asking and praying about this job, I felt the Lord said it was a job He wanted me to be at. So I accepted their offer for me to join them.
Here I am, just about a year in and I am overwhelmed with feelings of frustration, disappointment and lack of joy. I went into prayer a few months ago and asked the Lord what He had to say. I was confused as to why I was once happy in this work place and now I am not. When I went into prayer and explained this to the Lord He spoke that He has something else for me. He told me that I am uncomfortable because there is more for me, but I needed to stay until He told me to move.
I also asked if this field was a field He wanted me to stay in and I felt like He told me that this field is not one He wants to keep me in. That led me to this thought: I can be gifted in something and have talent in something, but that does not mean that I have to make that thing something I specialize in. I felt the Lord wanted me to have freedom in knowing that. I felt this field was something I was called to and was supposed to be forever. Once I heard that, I felt free.
Freedom was not the only thing I felt. Shortly after that conversation with the Lord, I was ready for the change He said He would come.
I forgot that He said I had to wait.
This wait has been tough. I am being refined while I am waiting and it does not feel too great, but I am trying to remind myself that it gets better and this is not the end. There is a promise at the end of the day and I need only to rely on the Lord's strength to make it through.
I have had to take time during my work day to pray, sing worship and to be thankful. To remind myself of the promise the Lord made me. To renew my mind when it begins to think negatively and to dwell on the thing that frustrated me. I am really needing to rely on the Lord. Some days are fine other days or weeks in whole are not that great.
Trusting while in the dark is everything but easy. Trusting while in the dark can either refine and strengthen my trust in the Lord or can break it, I am choosing to let it refine and strengthen my trust in the Lord.
Starting today, I choose strength and stronger trust. In a conversation I had yesterday, a suggestion was made for me to play worship music while I am in the classroom and the kids are doing what they do, that way I could have worship to help me stay in the peace of the Lord.
I that thought never crossed my mind. I have been doing that, it came to mind that I had freedom to do that as this job is owned and ran by a believer. She is more than okay with me and the other staff members playing worship and gospel music. What a joy it is to worship freely, in a place of business. This is the first place I have worked that encouraged open worship and profession of the name of Jesus, for this I am thankful.
I shall make it to the opportune time the Lord spoke to me. With man it is impossible but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26; Mark 10:27)
I will leave us with a prayer,
Lord I know that you see me in my distress and in my frustration. I know that you have given me a promise and I need only to wait and be patient. You will see your word to its end and your word will not return void as it written in Isaiah 55:11. I thank you that you see me and that I am known by you in this, I thank you that you have not forgotten about me nor have you overlooked me. Thank you for your word that keeps me.
I pray all of these things in your son Jesus' name, Amen.