I am learning that I need to keep the truth of what the Lord says about me fresh in my mind. It has become a little too easy to forget, in my forgetfulness I have allowed the lies of the enemy to sit in my mind as truth, and that is not okay.
I recently reached out to a group of women and confessed a problem I have. A negative cycle in my life and in the moment, I was so over it being in my life I decided to tell these ladies what was going on. I identified the cycle and then asked for their prayers. One reached out to me personally and shared something the Lord spoke to her, she said the Lord wants me to ask each day for Him to remind me of truths of who I am.
I knew I needed to be better with accepting the Lord's forgiveness in my heart and not just knowing that He forgives, and I asked them to pray that with me, but when she relayed this message to me I was, in a small way, shocked. I had heard that before but in a different context, this time it made more sense to me.
A lot of my behaviors and thoughts reflect my lack of what I call heart knowledge, of what the Lord says about me. I have been asking the Lord each day to remind me of the truth of who I am.
This week I have been hearing, "you are loved". While that seems like a simple and obvious truth, I realized a few things about myself:
- I am scared to be loved 100% – I think it is not possible for another human and that the Lord loves me but only when I am doing good things
- Being loved 100% (by the Lord and other humans) means no matter what, I cannot lose their love which means their love is unconditional, which means once they open their hearts to love me there is no closing the door later
- I do not fully love myself – some of my actions show this to be true
- I can only love others to the extent that I love myself – yikes
I am learning that I am not as put together as I would like to think sometimes, that I still have work to do, that I am not perfect. That trying to be perfect for those around me is actually a disservice to them and to myself. I am learning that the greatest truth about who I am, is that I am loved.
First and foremost, I am loved unconditionally by the Lord. Secondly He has placed people in my life who love me unconditionally as well. Lastly, I need to give myself the love I deserve, so when it comes to receiving love from others, it will not be so hard for me.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Father I thank you for your spirit. I than you for placing your spirit inside of me. I thank you for your love for me, because it knows no end. I thank you for those you have placed in my life and for the love they have for me as well. Would you forgive me for rejecting it, for being combative it, for not always receiving it with full belief it is genuine? Would you help me to love myself the way I need to, to be more gracious, forgiving, gentle and kind to myself? I pray that as you continue to speak to me I would be reminded of your truths about me and that there would no longer be any space for lies to come in and rest. Would you increase my heart knowledge of the truth that I am loved?
I pray and ask all of these things in your son Jesus' name,