I am here to talk about the difficulty I have with undergoing the revision process in my life. I have always found it hard to receive compliments and have found it even harder to receive criticism sometimes. I took some time to write out the thoughts I was wrestling with in my mind and came to the end of the page to realize, I have a hard time re visioning myself. I do not allow myself to fully undergo some of the changes I need to in a healthy way. I like to focus on the issue brought to my attention for some time (usually from a couple of hours to a few days) and once I make the smallest change, I take that as undergoing the revision process. I mention to the person that I have done it, that I have been putting in the work and have finally made the change, then my revision process ends.
Like a poem, the revision process is continuous. I sometimes revise a poem, like it in its new state then look at it again sometime later and decide it needs to be revised again, it does not stop. But when it comes to my revision process as an individual, I only stop for a bit then I get right back up and say it is finished. That is not the case. If I need to spend several days and hours on a poem, then how much more do I need to spend on myself?
Today's post comes with no encouraging scripture, I am sure there might be one I could find that mildly fits the topic but I will not look. This post comes from the depths of my heart as I am a person who knows not the one they see in the mirror looking back at them. I am lost and in need of a guide. So while there is no scripture, there is a cry out to God to help His child find who they are and to ask Him to help them undergo the revision process until its completion – until there is another way I can improve, because we never stop growing and never stop needing His hand to mold us and transform us.
My word of encouragement to you reading this, is to let yourself fully undergo the revision process. Do not rush, do not pass "GO" and do not collect $200. Stay where you are and let the revision process see itself to completion. God wants us to be the best us, and sometimes we have to see a "new" version of ourselves before we can actually start the revision or refining (a more biblical term) process. I have to start asking God again to show me what I look like through His eyes and then begin the revision process, with that image in mind. I can look at a poem and feel there are no changes necessary, but the day I sat down and saw that there could be improvements, was the day I re-visioned a poem I thought was perfectly fine. The end result was a poem that was better than I expected! How much more will I be better than I expected if I start asking for God to show me His image and start working toward that and actually allowing myself to be revised/refined?
My hope is that you too would allow yourself to fully undergo the revision/refining process for as long as it takes. My hope is also that my revised self will be better than the self I currently see.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Father, I thank You for loving me and for guiding me by Your Holy Spirit. I pray that You would just help me become better with the revision process. Would You help me enjoy every step of it and not rush it? I ask that You would show me that You are walking with me every step of the way. I ask that I would trust that what You are bringing me through will not hurt me or cause me unnecessary pain but will indeed help me. Would You help me enjoy the process as I am going through it and not just go through it with little to no expectations? May I forever find joy in the times of self improvement and in the deep reflections of who I am and who You are calling me to be.
I pray and ask all of these things in Jesus' name,