Knowing

Knowing

My body is failing me.
No matter how hard I fight,
I can feel my cells multiplying,
Dividing themselves among my entire person.

This must be what it feels like,
To bear much fruit.
To spread yourself thin,
While still trying to sustain life.
For it is not lived for self and self alone,

It is to be lived with and for others.
This descent is a slow yet hasty drop.
Each day I wake---I can't help but feel
The pain from yesterday.
I read the Bible to keep me firm,
After all it is my body leaving this place,
My soul shall ascend and live forever.
Yet I live not my life for me and me alone.

What must I say to the children surrounding
Me on all sides praying for Mommy?
What must I say to the husband wed for 20 years,
Years have gone by and I have lived,
Not for self and self alone.
But for the man on the throne.

I can hear His call...
Calling me to return to the place destined
For me, for me and me alone I do not live.
I know this time is short lived,
At least I can say I lived
As best as I could.
With the help from the man on the throne.

He sees my descent and how I will soon ascend,
From my current place of pain,
To a place of joy and peace.
Please let my children live in one piece.
Let my family see the beauty in the life
I once lived,
Full of joy and hope for a future.

This was always my future.
The point at which I now find myself,
Was known to me from the beginning.
That is why I cry not.
The tears I shed are for the broken hearts,
For the heaviness that comes with death.

Be not deaf to the crying out in sorrow,
Let it be the alarm you wake to,
And the soft music that lulls you to sleep.
Sleep will not make the pain go away,
Nor will it slumber the thoughts of darkness
You may experience shortly after I leave.

See I have known,
And I know,
This is the way it must be,
I am content and have no regrets.
So let this pain sink in for the time being,
Let the sorrow sway you to sleep,
And pacify the thoughts of numbness.

Feel as I have felt,
The power of knowing,
For it is a power indeed.

I have known
What you now know.
Sure?
Sleep please.
With no fear of hearing my screams,
For they are long gone.
Peace has come to me.
Now you   ask for the peace that I am
Knowing.

Photo: https://medium.freecodecamp.org/google-not-learn-not-why-searching-can-be-better-than-knowing-79838f7a0f06