I have never been good at receiving things. I have always had a hard time with it, mostly because I am a person who likes to work for the things they need. If I need an extra twenty dollars, instead of asking my dad or someone for it, I will see if there is something I can do to earn it.
While there is nothing wrong with putting my hands to work to get something I want or need, I have found that in my relationship with the Lord, that is a mentality and a way of living I need to abandon in some ways. The Lord is a giver. He gives us life, He gives us food and shelter and a number of other things aka everything!! Literally everything we have was given from the Lord. I have noticed that I do not always remember that and I have been living as though I have to work for things when I literally have a Lord who is a provider.
I had a talk with my dad one day, in the parking lot of our church. He had seen me earlier in the week and felt I was stressed about something, I told him I was okay and that everything was fine, but being the dad he is, he knew I was not being truthful. On that night in particular, I had plans to go to the bible study on campus as opposed to the one at my church, yet he called me and told me to meet him at church, I showed up and there the lecture began.
My dad likes to lecture and give life examples so that we (his children) can understand that he is not just saying things but is speaking from experience. He told me that he knew I was not being truthful the last time we spoke but he wanted to give me the opportunity to reach out to him and tell him what was going on, when he realized I was not going to, he called. In the time I spent speaking with him, the Lord made me aware of a few things, the biggest being my inability to put my pride aside and ask for help.
I knew I needed help, yet I allow the view others have of me – including my dad, stop me from asking for help when I need it. I am the one everyone goes to when they need something, I am the reliable one, I am the independent one but most importantly, I am the strong one. When I need help, I try to figure things out on my own. I will exhaust every option before I ask for help, so naturally receiving things from others (gifted or asked) is not easy for me either. In my eyes, it is a sign of weakness and that is obviously opposite of strength...at least that is what I believed.
In the natural, that does not seem so bad, sure I should know that asking for help does not mean I am weak but in the spiritual that is something that raises red flags, or at least I feel it should. How can I serve a God who is a giver and not be good at receiving? It just does not make sense, I cannot say that I trust the Lord to be my provider if I have my hands closed when He is trying to give me something. In reality, that is what I was doing...sometimes what I find myself still doing.
I have a fear of becoming comfortable with receiving things, that I will loose my natural instinct to work for what I need or want and become a lazy person, forgetting what it means to work for the things I need or what. When I am given the opportunity to receive something, I am always hesitant because the pride in my heart and my fear creeps in and makes me feel like I may grow too comfortable.
The only way I can become a better receiver is to become a better giver. I already feel I am good at giving things to others, whatever I am capable of I give it. What I am not good at giving is others the ability to be givers when it comes to them giving to me, this includes the Lord. I want to be a better receiver so I will be better with allowing others and the ord to give to me.
I will leave us with a prayer,
Lord I love You and thank You for all that You are. I pray that you would help me become a giver so when You or anyone else You allow wants to give me something I would not reject their giving. I ask that You would remove the pride in my heart that stops me from asking for help and that prompts me to reject or deny the help or gifting someone offers me. I ask that You would also help me receive the things You have for me better as well. That I would not focus on the natural and forget about the spiritual, there are spiritual things You want to give me and I must be in a place to receive them. There are things I have asked for but have not received because I have not been in a place to receive them, would You help me in this Lord?
I pray and ask all of these things in Jesus' name,